[Disclaimer: if you know me in ‘real life’, you’ll know how extremely behind and slow I am on blogging about my second pregnancy. I’ll spare you the lame excuses as to why and just jump right in! (Reality is, I’ve had these posts started and saved in draft mode and just never hit ‘publish’!) I’m also just knocking out by trimester vs last pregnancy when I was more frequent. Reasons explained below.]
Surprise! I’m pregnant! And it was actually a little bit of a surprise in the sense that my first at-home pregnancy test was a false-positive reading. It was not a surprise in that we had been trying all summer, but selfishly, it was nice to have that extra time to be a family of 3 and finish school. And, well, enjoy summer cocktails!
So alas, September 13th rolls around and we see the wonderful “+” sign. Let’ the adventure begin!
So here we go. My first trimester highlights in a
nutshell completely drawn out description because I want to capture these memories and feelings forever:
Dates: September 13, 2015- November 18, 2015
- Nausea. Ugh. To the women out there that actually, physically, get sick daily – I solute you, sympathize with you and am cheering you on. I never actually got sick, but I spent quite a few moments hovering a toilet wishing I actually would get sick simply to get the discomfort over with.
- Carbs. So.many.carbs. See Above. The only thing that would heed the crummy stomach pain was loading up on carbs. Muffins in the morning, sandwiches (bread) at lunch, pretzels and crackers for snacks and a dinner roll every evening. It helped, so I did it. But it started terrible eating habits and added to my
waistline ass faster than I had hoped. EK!
- Lemon Drops. These were constantly by my side, per a tip from my nurse at my 8-week appointment. They actually worked, which was a blessing!
- Expansion. So everyone tells you ‘you get bigger faster after your first baby’. Yadda Yadda Yadda. What they don’t tell you is that happens like the SECOND you pee on a stick. And that you feel 20 weeks pregnant at 9. And that the anxiety of holding off stretch marks becomes a daily worry by week 11. WHOA!
- Clothes. See above. I felt like I was immediately fighting the battle of clothes not fitting. And since I’m pregnant essentially at ‘opposite seasons’ this time I had a hard time adjusting. Plus, I was trying really hard to keep things hush-hush at my job (more there soon), so I was super self-conscious. Of course, no one really noticed expect me. But it was enough to add some annoyance to my daily routine of, you know, getting dressed. Flowy tops, unbuttoned pants and belly bands were my friend from the beginning!
- Secrets are hard! So although things went smooth the first time around, my husband and I were still cautious about spreading our news until that 12-week mark. So outside of parents and immediate family, our lips were sealed. What was funny to see, was that our friends’, were not! I know some friends confessed when I was pregnant the first time they ‘they knew’ and ‘they picked up on it that one night’, etc. but they never called me out. And, well, no one did this time either. But they DID corner my husband immediately to ask when the due date was!😉 I guess once you break the mold, all bets are off!
- Job Interviewing. I started a job last summer (July ’15) at a hospital and was really enjoying the work I was doing. I did not mesh too well with my supervisor, but the work trumped it. Then, things got interesting when [essentially] the same position I had, had now opened at another hospital. It was the hospital I had worked at for 5 years prior in my professional career and I had always wanted to make my way back. And I mean, hey, you can’t control when jobs open up, right?! You can only control how you react. And for me, it was by applying.
- Insert an added layer of ‘secret keeping complexity’! As in, I didn’t exactly want to tell my new job/boss that I was pregnant, to then just turn around and announce I was leaving! I also didn’t want to tell the HR manager at the new company I was expecting because at the time of the first interview I was only 8 weeks along and didn’t consider myself out of that ‘safe’ zone yet. EK!
- I am an extreme over-analyzer. This is a good and bad trait. But in situations like this, it’s bad. And makes me crazy. And makes my husband tune out because I repeat myself a million times.
- This is okay, I give him permission.
I feel no need to rush to tell Smith he is going to be a big brother. Judge away if you must. But I simply don’t understand the need of telling a not-even-two year old who thinks everything is about him right now, that soon enough, it will not be all about him anymore. Plus, he’s such a nice focus and distraction. And I plan on making it all about him up until the second I can’t. But alas, don’t worry, we’ll tell him eventually…like when I’m really showing and maybe he can feel a baby kick.
The glory of pregnancy does not exist for me the second time around. I’m calling it out friends. Although I have no idea what to expect with two children, and it frightens the hell out of me, I know this pregnancy thing pretty well. And labor doesn’t scare me. And I loved my hospital experience the first time around. And the pain of pushing for 2+ hours has left my memory (thank GOD). (I’m also hopeful that I’m one of those lucky gals that has #2 just ‘pop right out’ with two pushes. Please don’t burst my bubble here ladies. I know I could just as much have the luck of ending up with a laborious experience that ends in a c-section or something crazy.)
I feel guilty about my ‘umgphy’ feelings about something as magical and truly amazing as carrying the life of a human. I know how very lucky I am to be healthy enough to carry a child. That we were able to conceive naturally, and only after a handful of months. I know all of this. But life with one child suits us, we were getting the hang of it, he was getting more independent. So, what and why are we doing this?!?! Well, we knew we wanted more than one kiddo, and 2.5 years between Smith and baby hits right in our 2-3 year difference goal. So really, we are right where we want to be. So again, hence the guilt feeling…
And lastly, I have to admit. I’m not a ‘newborn mom’. It’s not the lack of sleep or the drool that I dread….it’s the pumping, and such dire dependency, and baby food, and pumping and getting my body back and knowing the work that takes, and the constant putting-everything-in-their-mouth phase, and pumping (did I mention that?!). It’s the ‘am I stimulating them enough? playing enough? reading to them enough?’, etc. I can only hope that having one kiddo under my belt helps keep some of these not-so-distant memories a thing of the past.
Having a second child offers a whole new set of excitement, joy, stress and doubt. Again, you know what you expect with pregnancy, with labor, with newborn life. You don’t know what to expect for your first child, managing two of everything, and how life with four people functions. But the one lesson I know to be true from having one kid under my belt is, that everything truly is a phase. So during those hard times and days I hope I can remember that ‘this too shall pass’. And I don’t want to wish time away. But I can calm myself by knowing that there will come a day again where I can finish a whole cup of coffee on a Saturday morning in peace. And we can ‘stay out’ on a weekend a little longer with friends and kiddo(s) because they are past that super-strict-bedtime-routine phase. And that, just like we did as a family of three, we will as a family of four — we will be overjoyed with love and laughter and cherish every step of the way.
–No, we will not find out the gender of this baby. It was my most FAVORITE surprise ever and honestly got me through those last few pushes during labor when I was about ready to quit. I couldn’t imagine it any other way and can’t wait for the second best surprise ever!
–We have the girls name locked down, it’s the same as the first time around. (No, I’m not telling!) But we got nothin’ when it comes to boys. Smith was such a one-and-done pick for us we never had a Plan B. So, let’s just hope it’s a girl….or we come up with something solid in the next few months!
–Smith will move to a ‘big boy room’ and baby will take over his current room.
–Baby will head to the same day care center as big brother, which will be different as Smith went to an in-home. I tried and tried to find an opening around town for an in-home for that first year, but it’s a pretty competitive market. So in the end, we decided to stick with the center and at least give us a touch of sanity on having the kiddos in the same place.
–If you ask me today, I am 100% confident I’ll be a happy Momma to two kids. We’ve always has a 2-3 kid kind of mentality, but today, two is my answer. (Spare me with your ‘never say nevers’. Kthanksbye)
Bring on the ‘honeymoon’ trimester, I’m ready!